It was the second of May, bluebells surrounded the atmosphere, and all I could hear was the droning of ring doves. I’ll admit I was a bit frightened when I realized the brown haired girl was so experienced and knew her way around. It was impossible not to trample over the bunches of bluebells that filled the ground and they looked so beautiful that I couldn’t help but kneel down and pick some. That was when I decided that I’d give the girl a bunch of flowers when we met.
I felt a light tap on my shoulder, so instinctively, I turned around. To my relief, it was the girl. The scarlet sash she was wearing brought out the curve of her hips and it occurred to me that she had probably never seen me in the broad daylight. Today would be full of firsts – or so I hoped.
I followed her to a tiny grassy knoll surrounded by tall saplings that shut it out from the rest of the place completely. She stopped what she was turning and looked at me, and that was when our conversation started. I managed to move closer to her, but she acted natural with a smile on her face. I asked her what color her eyes were, and she told me they were brown. In fact, they were a light shade of brown and had dark lashes that went together perfectly.
Before I knew it, her body was against mine, her dark hair against my face. She was kissing me and I pulled her down to the ground. She was utterly unresisting and at that point, I knew I could do whatever I wanted with her. I was glad this was happening, but I didn’t really have a physical desire to be with her. Besides, I was too used to living without women. On the bright side, I now knew her name – Julia, she told me. But she already knew my name. And she knew it perfectly.
I told her the truth about everything. How I wanted to rape her and murder her after, how I wanted to smash her head with a cobblestone and even how I imagined she was a part of the Thought Police. But she just laughed, taking nothing into serious consideration. She ripped off her Junior Anti-Sex League scarlet sash and flung it onto a bough. She touched her waist and pulled something out. Something important, I thought. But it was just a piece of chocolate. Julia admitted she was a troop leader for the Spies and voluntarily worked three evenings a week for the Junior Anti-Sex League.
She had a feeling I was against them. I think she meant the Party. She talked with such an open hatred which actually made me feel uneasy. Now that her sash was gone, her waist seemed to be much softer than it was before. As I looked around me, I noticed something familiar. I had seen this place before, but I couldn’t remember where. But then it hit me. It was the Golden Country. The one I had seen in my dreams, where I imagined Julia naked.
We were kissing again, and this time, it was different than the hard kisses we had exchanged earlier. I pulled her into me until we were breast to breast and it was almost like her body was melting into mine. Whenever we moved our faces apart, I could hear her sigh. My hands were reaching for the zipper on her overalls, but she tore her clothes off before I had the chance to do it for her.
I told her I hated purity, goodness and I didn’t want any virtues to exist anywhere. I even told her that I wanted everyone to be corrupt to the bones. And she admitted that she adored doing “the thing in itself.” That was all I wanted to hear; it was the only force that would tear the Party to pieces.
The only beautiful thing about Julia was her mouth; the rest was history. I still didn’t know her last name or where she lived. But that didn’t matter. All that mattered was that I loved her. And she loved me.
But having pure love or pure lust was said to not have existed. Because every emotion was mixed up with fear and hatred, no emotion was ever pure. Our embrace had been a battle and to me, it was a political act.
- Winston Smith